Tuesday, Jan. 29, 2019 - 10:05 a.m.
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Done. Fucking done. Done trying....done dealing with everything around here. Just done.
I have been keeping my eye out for a new place. Not much has become available within the last few months. The few houses that have become available and in my price range don't allow pets so that's not going to work cos I am not giving up my dogs.
Right before Christmas I got an email from our landlord that said that he is going to sell this place that we live in now. He gave us a rent-to-own option and we were both in agreement at the time that we would go ahead and buy this house. So I told him that we accepted the offer and that we would enter into a sales contract within a year. Now the abuser is being very wishy-washy on the whole subject and says he really doesn't want to buy this house. Mind you this is a very nice house for a great price and it is located in a premium area with 5 ski resorts. I don't want to live up here in the mountains forever and eventually would like to retire somewhere warmer. Not only am I looking at this purchase as a chance to get back in the real estate market and actually own something but also as an investment as well. Some people around here rent out their places short term and make money hand over fist. This would also allow me not to be tied to a property because it can generate its own income during the winter. However the abuser keep sending me links in different states in less desirable areas. Yes the houses are cheaper but we wouldn't have the income potential. I explained this to him last night yet again and told him I wasn't going to even try anymore....that I wasnt going to fucking force him to buy something he doesn't want to buy...so just to let me know so I can have the landlord list it this summer.
That isn't my only problem. He was diagnosed with crohn's early last year so every time he has a flare up I have to take him to the emergency room. The doctors keep telling him that he needs a primary care physician for management....however he won't call around to find one. He wants me to do it. Not only that but his teeth have been hurting him so he keeps asking me to look around at dental insurance plans that will cover a tooth implant. I spent all day yesterday looking at different dental plans unfortunately because his tooth is already missing it is considered a pre-existing condition and he would have to wait 12 months to get anything done. I told him his only option would be to look into one of those discount plans at a dental office. Instead of getting a thanks so much for looking into it for me... I will go ahead and call a few dental offices.... his rage ensued and we got into a huge fight. I told him I am tired of taking care of everything around here and that he can't even fucking call. He threw a full beer bottle into the kitchen sink and it shattered everywhere.
He told me that he gets up and goes to work every day. Well you know fucking what so do I..... plus I do all of the cleaning, all of the laundry, feed and take care of the dogs, and take out the trash. I am constantly picking up after him because he can't seem to throw anything away in the trash. He leaves trash and shitty food messes all over the counters and stove. He leaves rotting food and dishes next to his bed for weeks because he eats in bed. When he comes home from work the house is spotless and he's like a fucking tornado. He doesn't give a shit that I cleaned all day. My days off are spent going grocery shopping and cleaning. His days off are spent playing video games all damn day. Once again I have become the parent in another worthless...unhappy fucking relationshit.
When we were fighting last night he told me once again that he will never be good enough for me or my family. I told him it's not even about that and that he could care less about me and the fact that I pay most of the bills around here plus take care of everything. Speaking of bills....I have been informed that my student loans are now due so that's one more bill that I can't afford to pay.
My life just keeps getting better and better. Fuck me.
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