Friday, Aug. 24, 2018 - 10:30 a.m.
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Sad news and I guess I have been feeling down for about the last week or so in part because my old band mate, Ray, passed. I have had this diary for a super long time. I met Ray right before Tristan passed.
He said..."You are a bass player right and we need a bass player. How about coming round to my friend Charles' house and auditioning?"
"Auditioning?" I said. "Well I don't know about that Ray. I'm not that good."
"Nonsense! How will you know that if you don't go? What do you have to lose?"
Needless to say the guys loved me and encouraged me from then on. I grew leaps and bounds as a musician. The band Nightmare Crimson was born. If it hadn't been for Ray I wouldn't have had that wonderful experience.
A few years later...Ray got weird. He was drinking heavily and I am pretty sure he was into some hard drugs but he would never tell me. He went to New Orleans on vacation for a few weeks. He had always wanted to go there and visit the famous cemetery. He called me from time to time to tell me of his adventures. A few days before he was scheduled to come home he called me drunk and on God knows what. He accused me of putting a curse on him and told me to rot in hell...amongst other not so choice words. I hung up on him. He called back at least 5 times after I kept hanging up on him because he would not stop saying all of these hateful things. After the fifth time I unplugged the phone and went to sleep. That was the end of our friendship for a while.
About 3 years later he contacted me again. I was happy to hear from him and we tried to pick up where we left off. A few months later he did the same thing. I told Charles about it (who I am still friends with to this day) and Charles couldn't believe Ray would treat me like that. I had forwarded all of the hateful emails and messages that Ray had sent to Charles and told Charles I never wanted to hear from Ray again. And I didn't. Charles confronted Ray and they weren't friends either for a long while.
About a week ago Charles let me know of Ray's passing. I hadn't spoken to Ray in nearly 14 years. I am humbled and sad. Although I thought of Ray over the years I never did try to reach out again. I always thought that maybe one day I would. Now...it's too late.
Charles just posted a song we recorded on Soundcloud all those many years ago. It is called Nightmare Crimson....the title track and we named our band after it. To hear that lost gem again....and Ray's voice brought back so many fond memories. Damn we were good.
I am sorry Ray....I am sorry that I didn't get a chance to tell you how much you meant to me and how much that little push made me into what I am today...an accomplished musician and an award winning sound engineer. Although I haven't touched an instrument or recorded a band in almost 6 years....you were always behind my success. I got to tour and play on stages we used to dream about. I got to play with huge named artists...and so did Charles. I just hope you know how much you have influenced my path. You gave me that push of confidence in the very beginning of it all. I hadn't thought of that in a very long time and lost touch with who I was due to everything I have been going through. Maybe that's why I now feel the way I do and your death brought all of those memories back. I miss me...I miss music...and I miss living....
Rest well old friend.
Raymond Sterling Callicoat
July 8, 1971 - July 26, 2018
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