Monday, Jan. 29, 2018 - 12:30 p.m.
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Prior post - surprisingly he didn't come home drunk (probably because I shut my card off and he had no money). Just the thought of that makes me incredibly giddy. LOL
A few days ago we had a bit of a "discussion". I told him I would like to start saving for retirement to which he boldly told me, "There isn't going to be any fucking retirement for you...or anyone else."
"I'm not talking about Social Security. I know that won't be there. I am talking abut saving for my retirement in a separate account."
"Well that won't fucking be there either. Money will be obsolete and you are a goddamn fool if you cannot see what is happening in the world."
"So what am I supposed to do then...work to support everyone until I die?!?!"
"Pretty much."
So...those two words have given me the final push. Those two words have given me my confidence back. Those two words have given me the answer I have wanted so desperately and it is as plain as day.
Even though he says he isn't using me...he is. And that realization hit me like a fucking sledge hammer. It woke me up out of my fog to the life I had forgotten I wanted...full of travel and adventure....full of financial and emotional security...and I realized that when I look into my future he is not in it.
He cannot travel overseas because he is a convicted felon and owes over $25,000 for back child support. He has done nothing in the past 4 years we have been together to better his situation. And I realized...right then and there...I have waited long enough for him to be a decent person. I have wasted time...time I can never get back...and I am not wasting anymore of it. I have reminded myself of my worth...and it is much fucking more than that loser could EVER afford.
He refuses to get a job or help out. He eats like a fucking teenage boy and makes all of these elaborate meals. There is always tons of leftovers which rot in the fridge. My grocery bill is ridiculous! I have also limited his weed to a 1/4 a week. I told him that is all I am going to pay for. But even that now is a burden. I cannot save anything because of his constant spending. Every time I send him to the store for a few items he comes back with extra shit and ALWAYS gets cash as well out of my account. I pay for everything here including his cell phone.
What he doesn't know is...I have started to save already. Mind you...it isn't much and I hate living like I am broke. This past weekend I didn't do anything or go anywhere because I am not dipping into that small amount of savings. From now on...I will always be broke and will not have any money. Yes I have to lie...but it is better than him bleeding me fucking dry all the damn time.
Now...I have told him before that this realtionshit is over and he needs to find other arrangements. He always tells me he isn't leaving and he doesn't leave because he has nowhere else to go and no money to get there. This time...it's not my problem. It's not my problem because he should have taken control of his own life and secured his own money 4 years ago. Instead he chose to live off me like a little bitch and now it is a handout...not a hand up. So...playtime is over. Can't help himself then I can't and won't help him anymore. I want him out and I want my life back. Now...how to go about this...
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