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Tuesday, Nov. 30, 2021 - 1:42 p.m.


Well it has been a long time since the last entry. I feel these entries will be few and far between now that I have been completely absorbed with life in general. But this is the only place I can speak freely. My secret place. A place that no one knows about. So fast forward...

I never ended up leaving. I stayed like a pathetic fucking idiot. Some days I feel like a glutten for punishment. Others it's quite the opposite. Things have gotten significantly better since my last entry so there's that. Always room for improvement, however, the physical abuse stopped over 2 years ago. The abuser got a DUI July of 2019. Since then, he had to attend classes, therapy and all sorts of treatment since. He stopped drinking which was the main fuel for the fire. He also has gotten help for his anger issues. In that time we have been able to start the healing process together which has lead us to recently moving to a different state and buying a home.

He got a really good job after we moved and things are finally calming down. Not to say that our relationship is perfect...far from it. He still has major insecurities and recently has become selfish.

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a major milestone for me and one I was dreading because this with every year he didn't plan anything...didn't get me anything and forgot until he got a reminder on Facebook. He left as normal in the morning without saying anything. Later on that day I got a Happy Birthday text. For his birthday this year, I had a custom cake made even though we had just moved and we were broke. I had a little bit squirreled away for just that. Prior to this, his sister and family came for Thanksgiving week. He couldn't be bothered to even be here when they arrived or help with the cleaning, cooking and entertaining. I had voiced my feelings on how I was being taken for granted before they arrived, asked for help and that I just wasn't that important to him. That discussion turned into a major argument on how he will always be a piece of shit instead of being empathetic and agreeing that he needs to help out more.

He had ordered something off of Amazon and it arrived Sunday. I thought it was for my birthday. Turns out it was a stereo system for his new Harley he purchased without discussing it with me first. Just turned up with it about a month ago. Again...I had the discussion that we always consult each other about major purchases and it's not fair to think that the other person will shoulder more household bills because of said purchases.

He bought his sister's kids Christmas presents while they were here. He bought other people birthday presents and put a lot of thought into them. So why am I sitting here about ready to cry? Because actions speak louder than words and I was shown once again I am at the bottom of his list.

So there's that too...


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