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Saturday, Aug. 21, 2004 - 9:30 p.m.

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I never really regretted anything that I'd done in the past...until I met you...at first it was as if the clouds parted from my dreary existance...the rain stopped...everything crackled with electicity...my heart ablaze, I was invincible...your love warmed my skin...and breathed new life into my soul...I was so sure you were the one...the one I had waited for all these miserable years...and you...only you could ever complete me...I was so in love with you...nothing else mattered...and I lived day to day...just for you...I couldn't wait to hear your voice...just to talk to you was heaven...and to smell your cologne...a thousand tiny flowers tickled my nose...I'd never felt like this before...deeper than anyone has ever been inside...there you were...nestled within the folds of my heart...

Until that day....which left me wounded...and dying...

That day I found out that everything was a lie...you weren't who I thought you were...and every day since then...knowing you never existed...maybe it was better to convince myself that in fact you were real...than to face the painful reality of being made your fool...thinking that I am just some stupid bitch...who deserves her heart severed from her chest cavity...how could you be so cruel...when you knew from the beginning it was never meant to be...and you knew it would destroy every fiber of love I ever had...

That day I learned about death...what it truly felt like to die...and as I withered away to nothing...you watched...and waited...still feeding me spoonfuls of lies...which dripped onto the floor where I collapsed...baiting my every breath with false hope...eventually I arose...although not the same as I was before...trust was no longer a word I believed in...and there was no such thing as love...never have I had someone in my life steal the very essence from my spirit before...nor had I trusted anyone so blindly...to penetrate my defenses and burrow themselves like a parasite into the innermost sanctum of my being...

Luckily now...you are just a faded memory....of someone I once loved...forgotten is the agony you caused...for you are no longer significant...

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